went back to old blog to edit/delete older entries... wa... so many memories wor... and din realised i was so free back then during my poly days to blog almost everyday.. lol... sometimes can even blog for fun sia...

read through all the entries... found one very memorable and classic...

Dated: Wed, Aug 18, 2004, 00:18
Title: Memories...

In life, what you want is not what you will always get… No matter how much you want it, or long for it, it may not be yours ultimately. Even if you have the ability to get what you want, nothing lasts forever. When I was younger, and we read fairytales like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or Snow White & the seven dwarfs, I used to dream that in future when I grow up, I would also want to be like them, able to find a Prince Charming which would belong to me… and we would live happily ever after.

As I grew up, I realized that life isn’t a fairytale. Our standards or criteria tend to differ from time to time. We are the ones writing our own stories. Do we choose who we fall in love with? Who do we want to be with and build our future with? All these never came to my mind until one day......

Was crapping around in another channel, when he saw and chased me to study for exams. That’s how we knew each other. Gradually, every night we were chatting with each other. He encouraged me and I shared my problems with him. After taking my JAVA paper, was so disappointed and moody as I knew I will not be able to score. Then he consoled me. One day I felt sick, and he sms me if I needed him to come over to accompany me. By then, had some feelings for him already.

Got together on 10/5. Soon, he went for reservist. Some nights we would be chatting on fone. It was nice chatting with him, and friends were envying me.

25/5/04 First day of training at MSH for telemarketing job. Arranged to meet him after 10pm at Bugis. He called and said he was at the fountain there. Didn’t know how he looked like and which guy was him as there were a few guys sitting around. Sat beside a tattooed guy, was so afraid that that guy would be him. Few mins later, the tattooed guy went off, and I saw a guy at my left hand side. Waited for that guy to turn and look at me. Finally he turned and smiled at me. So it must be him, as no one would smile at me for any reason, unless the person knows me. =D

Walked over to esplanade. Sat down and looked at stars. Shy to sit beside him so kept a distance. Talked and talked. Saw a shooting star. Bu zhi bu jue… I fell asleep… just like that. The night was cold and breezy but I felt warm in his arms. A kind of feeling which was so sweet that I’ve never had before. My hands were cold and he covered my hands using his shirt, and when I was bitten by the mosquitoes, he rubbed it for me and it felt so comfortable. Spent the night with him, knowing that when I got home, I would be reprimanded, but I just don’t care.

Around 5+ we made our way slowly to the MRT Station. Passed by Nooch, and he said when he had the money, he would bring me to eat. He pei me sit train till Woodlands, he was so tired. See ler I felt so bad. Went home and got scolding but received a sweet msg from him was worth it.

27/5/04 So happy as today is our first date. Went to Bugis for Sakae buffet, and then watched TROY. First time go watch movie with a guy =x After movie went esplanade. Sat down, see waves, see ships, see stars. Felt so happy with him by my side. That pair of hands felt so warm, and when he held my hand, I realized that was the hand I was looking for. One that could make mi feel secured. Around 10+ we took bus home. The journey was an hour long, and as usual, I would fall asleep. He see me home. Hehe. First time guy see me home oso... LOLx

30/5/04 It was raining heavily earlier on. So afraid that I couldn’t meet him. Met at tampines, then went over to Simei as I wanted to go to the pet shop to look at doggies. =D then he bring me walk far far go bus stop to sit bus to East Coast. Reach ler must walk somemore wor. Keke. Saw McDonalds so went in, he buy ice-cream gimmi eat. =D~ Then went to sit at the rocks there… as usual see stars, see ships. Lied down on his lap, and looked at him, he showed me a funny face. He was trying his best to open his eyes as big as possible. Then sth happened... LOL Walked to the bus stop and waited for our buses. Competing who would reach home first. Haha.

1/6-9/6/04 So sad… he went to Indonesia… Missed him a lot for this period of time. He was supposed to be back by 6th or 7th. Then I waited and waited... Was worried, because I’m afraid to lose him. Went ChinaBlack for a friend’s bday on 5th. Didn’t really enjoy myself as I was thinking of him and my eyes were painful on that day. Went home drunk although didn’t really drink much. When he finally came back on 9th, I was so elated to receive his sms. Had catching up to do... haha

11/6/04 So long never see him, so decided to go for movie. Met at City Hall. Went Marina buy tix for Harry Porter. Counter ask mi is it ok if they gave us a couple seat, I huh… then looked at him, then he looked at me, I looked at counter. Haha. So funny. Walk walk awhile then went to the waiting area to sit. Saw a group of girls in front of us trying to be funny, and we joked about them.

17/6/04 Realised that we were drifting further and further. For what reasons, I’m not sure… maybe the problem lies with me. I’m quite temperamental, HAIZ. But tried controlling it already. Asked him out to talk. See if we can talk it out, solve problems. Ended up I’m the one talking, he’s so quiet… the feeling of breaking up seems near. As I spoke more and more, tears started to fall… just couldn’t control myself. And… He went home.

18/6/04 Felt moody, didn’t really slept much. Evening time received an sms saying he don’t like me liao. that’s all. let’s break. those words hurt me deep and alot. Suddenly, my whole world crashed. I was so sad… cried and cried. Received a call from one of my god brother, ended up I talked to him till I cry again…

It has been 2 months since the breakup. I still feel the same. So hurt and sad. First time fall so deeply in love with a guy, fell so hard, giving in everything and putting in all my feelings, to get those words which hurt me so deep in return. Hopes and dreams gone. I dare not think of what would my future be. Not sure if I should move ahead, move backwards or stay put, as I fear of what lies ahead. At times, I feel like finding a guy to replace you, so that I could forget the memories I had with you. BUT I just couldn’t let go. Couldn’t let go of you, our memories. Don't know how to let go. It’s those happy memories that are making me sad. Only reason that kept mi going in life - those memories. I dun wish to be selfish, as I know that if I don’t let go, no matter how good another guy is, he will not be able to enter my life. Till now, I’m still waiting, hoping, even though I know that chances are slim. For the time being, I can only be like this. I’ll never forget the things that you’ve done that made me happy.

-end of entry-

after re-reading this entry... naturally memories do come back to me... happy or unhappy... wad to do... tis is life...



many say... a pic means a thousand words...

so... pictures for ya~~~ =p









been stayin @ home for the past 2 saturdays and sundays... =) so guai~~ lolx

anyway... updates for the week... forgotten when was the last time i updated...

hmm... at wrk.. doing same things... quite sianz and grumpy at times... i hate it v much when my wrk end officially at 530pm and at 5pm, there's work given to me... BOO... i always try to clear my mountain of wrk b4 i go home lor, so tat ppl wun say my efficiency low mah.. LOL and also i got nth to let others complain of me... haha... be safe than sorry =)

anyway... nth much happening this wk.. juz tat our monthly jiemeis gathering happened ystday... 7 of us met up for dinner @ esplanade... ate quite alot of food... got oyster egg, carrot cake, chicken wings, hokkien mee, sting ray, satay... personally, i liked the oyster egg, sting ray and carrot cake... the hokkien mee so-so only lor... (Note: my all-time fave food = hokkien mee)

after dinner, went for kopi session @ starbucks... halfway... sandals broke... wad a gd timing... shops all closed ler, cant buy new sandals.. so bo bian.... went home by cab wif mj... along the way, chatted alot... =)

rched home... dunno wad to do... read some health magazines and classifieds... LOL nid to find new jobs wor...

last wk went for an interview @ Biopolis way (Buona vista there) as IT Management & Procurement Exec, sandals oso broke... heng it was sch holz... quickly called sis to bring dwn another pair... i was being interviewed 30mins... ystday went for another interview @ Wdl, project coordinator... piangz... many ppl came for many other interviews lor... waited for 45mins b4 it was my turn... then another 45mins was used to interview me -_-

sianz leh lookin for jobs... esp the interviewing part is sianz... always saying the same thing, and u can expect wad the interviewer(s) will ask...

my fav colleague went for an operation last wk, and was given 2wks MC... poor me... gotta mingle wif the rest lor... not tat i dun get along well wif them, juz tat smtimes v hard to judge ppl... some ppl u can tok to them, whereas u'll nv noe who may be backstabbing u... so she's my fav colleague for some reasons... LOL =)

my so-called "close" or rather sm1 whom i confided in most of the time... gone to malaysia for mahjong games -_- nv hear b4 go malaysia to play mahjong.. machiam in singapore cannt play lydat zzz... anyway... mayb gt kakis there or wadever bah... so sianz... w/o him tokkin to me >.< like so quiet... haha... feels so different...

hmm... nxt wk will be my last wk workin wif present company... then i'll b OFFICIALLY jobless... =( money running out... time oso running out... =~~~



haiz... this is my blog... my place.. my territory... feel like voicing out certain things... if u dun feel like reading... can juz close the window.. xie xie..

my friend changed ler... i can c it so clearly... too clear tat i can expect wad would her reply be when asked a qns....

nw i really believed wad other frenz say ler... gt bf no frenz... so true... so true...

last time when she was still single... she would be the one calling me out... dinners, shopping... etc... when she's attached.. sorry hor... wan to date her oso difficult lor... everytime her reply will always hav sth regarding her bf... NOT TAT I AM SO BLOODY JEALOUS ABT U HAVIN A BF... BUT DUN TELL ME U DUN NID FRENZ SI BO?

sua lor... nwadays dun feel like contacting her oso... at times she wont even reply an sms... wad to do.. wad can i say... i can only say... ppl do change... and this is a drastic change...

i understand u do hav a bf now, u nid to spend MORE time wif him... but hello... everyday c each other not enuff ah? weekends oso mus c? -_-

i was so bloody pissed off lor the other time, u asked me out to help u choose vday present for ur bf.. i actually wanted to go shoppin lor.. in the end, i did not enjoy myself the whole day at all... when u told me ur bf joinin us for dinner, asked me can anot... do i hav a choice? can i say No? -_-

feel so transparent tat night... or rather... like a BIG gigantic lightbulb... zZz
tried so hard to control myself frm displayin my black face... but bo bian cant control...

certain things i dun say out, dun tell u... doesnt mean i'm fine ok?

ahh... tats all i wan to voice out...

PS: some of u may noe who i'm mentioning... but dun tink she'll read my blog.. coz she's TOO busy?



bloody hell la damn blogger... tmd... typed story liaoz suddenly dunno wad happened all gone.. nw gotta retype -_-

not my days for this week... recently wireless and lappy playing games wif me... wireless gg online and offline, lappy restarting nw and then... zZz

last sat went shoppin wif jiemeis after helpin aunt developed photos (owe her for 2mths)... bought a pair of sandals cum heels? everytime i like de sandals end up dun haf my size or dun hav tat colour liaoz... ended up always settling for sth else... end of the day all of us ended up buying sth... LOL

last min decided to go clubbing after feeling tat the nite's still young at 10+... we were casually dressed... not in clubbing mode.. but still we steadily went to dblO wif our big and small bags of loot... haha

today, sat company transpt hm after wrk, suddenly had tis thought of learning hw to drive, owning a car... BUT thinking of the $ and hassle... sianz 1/2... remembered hw i used to reply my frenz whenever they asked me hav i ever thought of learning hw to drive... my answer was - No... nxt time find bf who drives, i be passenger...

BUT now... i tink i oso giv up on finding bf... lol... it seems like healing period too long ler.. startin to feel numb liaoz... Linkin Park - Numb ? haha... may envy others at times, but still, tink it doesnt affect me ALOT bah...

few days ago decided tat i will b wrkin till this mth end wif present company, coz dun wan to be tied dwn wif another 3mths contract... try enforcing a 3mth contract to me... i will not be frightened... HAHA... i said... dun wan... haha... initial agreement was continuing wrkin on no contract basis till i find a perm job... tats the reason y i stayed on the very last min.

hmm.. suddenly rem sth... random thoughts... nxt time if u ever asked anyone for advice or favours, rem to appreciate them by saying Thanks or Thank You... this is basic courtesy... same for being LATE or for wadsoever reason tat u cant make it on time etc... say Sorry... it isnt DIFFICULT to do so right? put urself in others' shoes... if i were to ask u sth, after u reply me ler, i juz heck care, dun even return u wif a Thanks or Thank You... hw wld u feel? if u feel nth.. then i got nth to say la... tat shows u r insensitive bah... -_-

think over it? haha

smtimes i tink hor... why mus i always wait for others ah... same we all oso humans wad... not tat the person u waitin for is VIP or fairy or anyone divine... wear watch la... tmd... and damn dulan when the person late liaoz oso dun haf the courtesy to apologize, machiam i shd wait for u lydat...

even my mama late ler oso will inform me and tell me by hw many mins she will rch, or i will tell my mama Sorry if i'm late... coz tis is BASIC COURTESY... can anot?

dun bloody hell tell me u will be late 10,20 or 30mins b4 our meeting time... tink waiting is fun ah... one day i let u try waiting for 10,20,30 mins = 1hr... hahaha...
hate ppl who damn gao tu lor... tell u meet eg. 6pm @ orchard, if u stay west, estimate la hw long u will take then slowly plan ur timing la... hate it when ppl 530 sms tell me i still at home leh... wan tio slap... then rch at 7+... one person wait alrdy jialat liaoz... few more ppl waitin for a BIG GREAT YOU even worse...

thought for the day... for those who r late most of the time... tink abt it... its a HABIT... not a reason or excuse...

saw contact lens auction... tempted to buy again -_- even tho i got a pair of dreamy black lens which can last me for a yr... cheap leh... smmore nice nice... comfortable smmore... lol... ohh... did i ever mention tat i hav lots of bottles of contact lens solution which can last me for years... LOL... free de smmore... haha coz i won them... forgot took part wad contest oso... but free de nvm... save $ oso... ^^v

thank you for taking time to read my long story... lol =)
nites...



lalala...

backie from a 5D4N holz from bangkok... ^^v

tis time round, didnt broadcast to anyone abt the trip only to my family members... lol... went with colleague & fren, ex-colleague & sis... total 5 of us...

went on a crazy shopping spree... lol... needless to say.. bought alot of stuff... so happy and satisfied... dear frenz, dun ask me if i've gotten u anything... the answer is No... coz my intention was to buy my own things nia... saving $ then spending it feels great.. =) (altho i noe i mus earn back again la...)

this time round, bangkok seems more familiar to me... nw noe hw to take their mrt liaoz... quite convenient and straightforward... i can be ur tour guide liaoz? LOL

thanks to my colleagues for waiving my stay at the hotel... total spent $400 on food, transport, massage, shopping... air ticket cost ard $162 (return trip - Air Asia)

fri, took the noon flight and rch bangkok at 5+... arrival hall crowded... queued very long... so qiao in front of me there's a guy oso Singaporean, so we chatted... after tat alone go zhuang dan take taxi to meet up wif the rest lor... heng taxi uncle nv drive me to sell... haha... instead he bought me a can of coke... =) even tho he doesnt understand my language and i dun understand thai... but still my message was able to get across to him...

Sat and Sun - Chatuchak... so damn happy... tinking of the things i bought from there... majority of my $ spent there... bought lotsa blouses, skirts, jeans, sandals... ^^

Mon - Chinatown... din noe daytime de Chinatown so busy and filled wif ppl... quite a nice place for buying wholesale... we happily bought lots of hairclips, rubberbands, accessories etc... and shared among ourselves... things sold there come in LOTS or boxes... no single piece lor...

there's this shop, 3 storeys high... selling all kinds of tiny toons characters things... see liaoz so cute... feel like buying everthing... buying one piece and 3 pieces have different prices... buying 3 pieces is definitely cheaper than buying one piece itself... so again... shared among ourselves... haha

for 2 nites, went massage... first time foot massage... 2nd time thai body massage... i'm a first timer u c... so to me, its pain... -_- especially the body massage... foot still alrite and feels good after massaging...

went for some last min shopping on tues before leaving for SG at MBK... there oso quite alot of things to buy wor... haha...

took leave ystday to rest at home and slp... lol... backie to work today... whole day emailing and contacting vendors requesting for quotations... some vendors seemed quite friendly... anyway... had fun emailing them and replying them too... lalala



i almost gt a shock of my life... when the planner comes to my dept, tellin me when he issue PO, he cant c the price set, and hav to enter manually himself... i looked at him, then at my colleague and said... "I REALLY GT ENTER LEH YSTDAY...TOTAL GT 344 RECORDS..."

then tat guy blur blur looked at me... haha... we went into the system and checked... really no price... b4 this, i had no knowledge on doing quotations... so had to seek help frm clerk's replacement... then we realized... its a BLIND LEADING THE BLIND issue...

tat planner damn funny... coz in between, colleague was bz on the fone, he had to wait for her, i oso had to wait for her, so we chatted...

He: ehh u not frm PED (another dept) meh?
Me: huh... i in procurement for 5mths liaoz leh, all along i'm here, nv move
He: then hw come tat time meeting saw u leh
Me: (points to boss) there~~ he asked me go de
He: but u demo abt the system leh...
Me: i do of coz can demo lah... -_-

then he changed topic...

He: ehh u stay in private apartment?
Me: No.
He: condo?
Me: no lah... HDB... y?
He: tat time i tot i saw u ard Jurong West tat area... was fetching fren, then saw someone like u...
Me: u see wrongly lah... btw... nxt time if u fetching fren, and u c me, fetch me oso leh... provided u nv c wrongly... LOL

he pengz... ended up we waited for our colleague for ard 30mins... lol i told him... used to it can liaoz.. coz everyday i'm waiting for her to assign me tasks... haha

finished doing my work at ard 4pm ystday... boss oso bth me, coz the tasks he assigned me was completed TOO fast -_- so he decided to gimmi a more challenging task - call and email various suppliers for quotations...

tat may SOUND easy to some ppl out there... but... let me tell u.. everyday i'm surrounded by lots of "hey, y u havent send me the quotation? i nid to get back to my boss by tis week... dun giv me excuses... 2 weeks ago, alrdy told u to prepare and send it to me, ystday last min then u do..." etc etc... all mean the same, juz tat the way of saying is different... -_- machiam bad debt collector... chasing for quotations...

upon hearing the challenge tat boss has given me, i looked at him and "huh"...

He: y u huh... ez mah... dun worry, i will guide u
Me: not say ez or not, juz tat... (points to the colleague beside me) i everyday hear her scream at vendors... i dun wan to be like her... (*me giggling*)
He: aiya... here de ppl lydat de... work long liaoz will becum lydat... old liaoz oso will becum lydat... its a matter of time...

at this point of time... colleagues in my dept overheard our conversation and LOL...

Me: *looks up at the clock*
He: aiyo 430 liaoz... gt nth for u to do ler... u rest bah...
Me: Orh... =)

i too free liaoz... so qiao colleague was lookin at some shortlisted candidates for the position of an Officer, assisting her, and will oso be my colleague if I'm still in the company... i KPO and join in the fun...

then i keep WAH... coz the candidates all gt BACHELORS in tis and tat... and their working experience... wah... gt 4yrs and above, and some of their posts quite nice...

after wrk, went dwn to Funan... mit jiemeis... 6 of us in total. Had lotsa fun chatting, sharing, joking... di siao one another... ate sakae dinner buffet till damn full... nxt gathering is said to be set 2weeks ltr... so soon wor... LOL can it be a month ltr? so tat i gt time to save up more $ mah... LOL

tis mth earned quite little, coz kip on taking time off for interviews... haiz...
being offered at current company to convert to perm, but not very attractive leh the jobscope. so havent asked abt the pay etc... mayb can consider, coz sianz of findin job liaoz... -_- but if convert to perm, i'll be in another dept, under diff boss, supporting diff ppl... mostly engineers... environment different... haiz.. so many things to worry... sianz

to my dearest frenz out there... be happy always... look far... if found someone suitable and will giv u happiness de.. go for it bah... i envy those who hav alrdy found their happiness... i'm still waiting... for one to come.. haha...

smtimes... too long nv like ppl ler... forgotten the feeling of falling for others liaoz... haha... ystday teabreak was havin casual chat wif 2 colleagues... colleague was askin another colleague to intro guys to me...

Me: hw old r u?
He: 32
Me: i 22 wor... 10yrs difference
He: ok mah... thinking more mature, financially stable... can marry u liaoz... u dun nid support the guy leh
Me: i still can wait u noe... dun nid get married so soon...

another colleague said...

She: aiya he sure gt other frenz of other ages mah... bu yi ding same age as him
He: ask my sis lah... she go clubbing noe alot of frenz
She: ehh not her type la, clubbing...
Me: i seldom go clubbing leh... once in a while nia, cant drink...
She: back to the topic... ppl support u better than u support the guy leh, imagine ur bf same age as u or only 1 or 2yrs older than u, who noes mayb u nid to support him if he still stdying or juz start work like u nia
He: like me la, my wife 26, i 32...

updates again later next week... will be bz for the nxt few days... lalala~
till then... be happy and smile... =)