datelines for projects nearer and nearer...

not in a research mood or proj mood.

but juz plain moody... lazy and tired

perception towards things and ppl seemed to change very quickly within this short period of time.

supposed to do research and try to finish certain parts of the proj, ended up i surfed the net for info to plan holz... wahahaha

=)

was VERY moody at work ystday.. simply no mood to chup anyone or to speak more than usual.

hate tat damn container-cum-elephant-cum-brainless lorry. more and more irritating as days passed. argh

went for high tea wif collgs then to harry's for a couple of drinks.

abit tipsy after a few rounds of red wine and corona.. -_-

weather was fine and nice saturday.

will be gg harry's again... hopefully soon =)

wad am i actually thinking of in my mind? i dunno.

been having strange dreams recently. almost the same storyline... wondering whether will it come true? 1-2yrs? hmm... *rolls eyes*

till then, perhaps i'll be somewhere doing some other things, and not remembering this dream.

friend told me - life's not like a game which u can choose to restart.

true.. there aint any on/off button. hoho

wondering whether to have any resolutions for the year 2008.. lalala



past 2 weeks was like a rollercoster ride for me.

nth more can describe other than this one word - suey

overnight, my life was so vivid like those taiwanese drama... -_-

anyway, episode over.

i became the "3RD PARTY" in ppl's life...
i became someone who WANTED to ruin ppl's HAPPINESS... am i?

ppl made use of my kindness, helpfulness... betrayed my trust... took me for granted.
ended up i became a 3rd party.... wad a joke.

so... ppl come near me is for a motive. to make use of me.

really bu gan xin, unable to swallow down this humiliation... i do not deserve it.

i am not sad at all, but i definitely feel hurt and heart aches... because the one who hurt me the most is the one whom i trusted alot and we were once so close. ended up he can choose to hurt me w/o thinking of my feelings.

y wor... did so many things, and everything i did i thought for him... end up he did not even think of anything, but to hurt me deeply.

i became the 3rd party only when the WIFE called me up to confront me. tat night was terrible. after class, already so tired, still have to deal wif all this nonsense. this left me wif a sleepless night, and a badly hurt mind.

always tot everyone is simple, end up i am the one who's naive. tats y....

everyone ard me is a step closer to happiness, but me.... always a step ahead of me is the cruel reality... i paid dearly for this lesson learnt.

i promise. i will not let anyone come near me again. because when ppl come near me, there's always a motive or agenda...

worst still, the nxt day via sms and notes, ppl asked for forgiveness and asked me not to be angry wif him and the wife... how to forgive. how would u feel if i gave u a slap and apologized? the wife even told me, if u wan, u can have him.. so i am someone who needs charity? asked me out one day to talk it out, dared me to come to office. i told her sure no problem... come office lor, i will entertain her.

i tore the note in front of him and threw it back on his table. and told him... try writing me another note and i will make sure it ends up in ur face, not on ur table... u dun deserve any basic respect or forgiveness at all... u deserve 3 tight slaps from me. dont ever come near me again. i do not wan any explanations from me, coz i will not believe u again. tell ur beloved wife i do not need charity, if i wan sth, i will work hard and fight for it. and let her know wan to come out and talk, i will entertain her... best is come office. then everyone will have show to see.

i am lost, helpless... dunno wad to, cant share it wif anyone coz my heart doesnt wan to talk abt it. everything juz hurts, and sux.

i lost to a foreign product juz because i am MADE IN SG... and ppl is from china - low cost BUT high maintenance?

2days after this happened, i had a bad fall... had problems walking, ended up took cabs to work.

last week attended collg's wedding in jb's New York Hotel... food's nice... Pretty bride. pretty gowns. pretty collgs.

then last thurs had fever, worst still... had a test in the evening. slept the whole day, went to test wif a heavy head and sleepy mind. hopefully i pass my SAP-MRP test.

nth goes right for me for the time being...

"wadever lah. up to u, its ur choice.."

ya its my choice to choose this job, but NOT my choice to work on alternate sat. its my choice to choose to study part time, but its NOT my choice to do projects during weekends wif classmates. so does it mean everything is my choice? Nope.

wadever i can do to compromise, i did. tired
even my mum knows my pattern, i will surely make time if being told earlier... made time for u, ended up the meeting was cancelled, had to re-arrange things again.

before i had classes, collgs and i used to have bi-weekly or monthly dinners as gatherings. after tat, they knew i had classes, they noted down when's my classes, and they will plan when to have dinner, and then booked me. Thanks to my many godmas, kai mas, sugar daddies and godfathers.

since i cant compromise, or make others compromise wif me... wad can i say? its my choice?

dunno wad to say. and wont wan to explain so much.

so many sats to choose, but since u all chose tat fatefully sat... wad to do.

went to dempsey ystday for ice cream. nice environment.

need a break. need to focus.
need to find back that drive to strive hard in work and studies.
need to find back my lost smile.

looking forward to 14 and 15th nov - on leave
then 1st dec - batam trip wif collgs

but not looking forward to bday... coz bday does not serve any purpose anymore.

no meaning at all.

someone once promised me on his bday tat on my bday he will sing me a bday song and i will have a bday cake. BUT if he still remember his promise and fulfilled it, i will give him a tight slap and asked him to fuck off.

coz i fucking hate him now.

i believe in karma.